As tough as this may be, making amends is an important step in recovery. The underlying theme of making amends is forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of yourself, which can living amends bring healing, hope and peace to all parties. Because this part of recovery can be daunting, here are some tips to help you work through steps 8 and 9. The Christian roots of the 12 Steps are perhaps the clearest in step 11. The focus is on relationship with God himself, not simply on sobriety. While Wilson often stressed the practical benefits of prayer, the eleventh step urges alcoholics to go beyond their own problems and develop a life of conscious contact with God.

• I also understood what a fatal combination these twin ogres could be.
• That spring, Wilson went to Akron, Ohio, on a would-be business deal.
• AA’s Twelfth Step had its origin in that vital practice.
• In step 8, you add the names of any other people that you have harmed who weren’t identified in the 4th and 5th steps.
• Having had a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
• Each principle represents the wisdom and experience of many individuals who have worked through the 12 steps and found ways to apply their teachings in everyday life.

Should I Work on Step Eight Alone?

Both Wilson and Smith found that The Oxford Group’s treatment of sin as a “disease” resonated in discussions of their struggles with alcohol. The Twelve Principles of AA drew heavily from these spiritual elements. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

The Development of AA’s Core Principles

Taking someone through the 12 steps as your sponsor did for you is where you will really see the magic of Alcoholics Anonymous at work. With your 8th step list in hand, you’re ready to take some action and make amends to those you have harmed. Now it’s time to take action, which means putting pen to paper. You take a look at people, institutions, and principles at whom you harbor ill feelings. A key part of resentment inventory is to identify your part in each of them.

Step 4: Courage

• In order to admit that you’re an alcoholic, first, you have to know what that actually means.
• Step 5 is about taking the moral inventory made in step 4 and admitting first to God, next to yourself, and last to another person.
• Moreover, the 12 steps help to rebuild relationships with loved ones and develop a support network for the future.
• The goal is to develop a source of strength and use this power to live a sober life.
• Living amends bridges the gap between living in shame and regret and finding forgiveness.

In the late summer of 1934, my well-loved alcoholic friend and schoolmate “Ebby” had fallen in with these good folks and had promptly sobered up. Being an alcoholic, and rather on the obstinate side, he hadn’t been able to “buy” all the Oxford Group ideas and attitudes. Nevertheless, he was moved by their deep sincerity and felt mighty grateful for the fact that their ministrations had, for the time being, lifted his obsession to drink.. These basic ideas were not new; they could have been found elsewhere.

In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the people closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children. One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die. Tragic events happen every day, and in ways we least expect. Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego. As a result, the opportunity is lost to make things right if that person dies before they can apologize. At step 12, it’s time to find alcoholics who desperately want a solution and are willing to do anything to get better.

• Step 4, which involves documenting every mistake you’ve ever made, is clearly tied to courage.
• They would tell their stories, and if interest was aroused, go on to explain the 12 Steps.
• Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.

It involves developing empathy, forgiveness, and a sense of connection with fellow recovering individuals and the broader community. Humility means recognizing our limitations and the need for help. It involves setting aside pride and ego to accept support from others and a higher power.

Making Direct Amends

• If you promised your son or daughter to be there to see them off to college, clean yourself up and show up.
• A living amend might include a posthumous promise to the deceased child to, from now on, make it a point to walk their surviving siblings to the bus stop each day.
• In addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned.
• Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA.

They met through the Oxford Group, a non-alcoholic fellowship that promoted spiritual living. If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now. If you promised your son or daughter to be there to see them off to college, clean yourself up and show up.